Chameleon
by Scarpaw
Summary: Originally, he had come about because she had been bored. She tried to tell herself that that was the same reason why she was getting rid of him. Because she was bored. But that wasn't true. It was because she was scared of him. – Izaya was never real. He never had been.


So, this was actually the very first fanfic I wrote for the fandom, and it's something that I actually just finished! I had started this piece as an exploratory work on the idea of a gender fluid Izaya, and, well, it kind of got warped? It's now some weird sort of fusion between gender fluidity and identity disorder? I can't really explain it.

This work is very non-linear. It jumps around a lot, and while I tried to tie loose ends, there still may be some hanging that I didn't catch. Also, the pronouns used may seem confusing, so you have to pay close attention. He, she, and they are used at the same time at parts to reference the same character. Another note is that, from what I understand, Japanese has two different forms of speech - male speech, which is mainly used by males, and female speech which is mainly used by females, though from what I understand in modern times females have started using male speech as well. This gender difference in speech is what Izaya means towards the end when he references using "male speech".

The majority of this is in past, however once the 'present' time of the story is reached, the story switches to present. This is intentional, and it is only in the 'present' time of the story when it is in present tense. The story is intended to read as if it's someone telling the tale from the 'present' time of the story, which is why everything but that time period is read in past.

One last note is that there is a scene the depicts attempted rape. This scene is not very graphic, but if the idea of attempted rape makes you uncomfortable, skip the scene that starts off with " _Akabayashi Mizuki is a gentleman_ ".

With that, please enjoy _Chameleon!_

 **Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara!**

 _ **Chameleon**_

 _Originally, he had come about because she had been bored. She tried to tell herself that that was the same reason why she was getting rid of him. Because she was bored. But that wasn't true. It was because she was_ _ **scared**_ _ **of him**. – Izaya was never real. He never had been._

It would be so easy, just taking a pair of safety scissors and chopping it off. After all, that's what normal kids did when they rebelliously chopped their hair off, wasn't it? They took the first pair of scissors they could find and cut it as short as they wanted so their parents couldn't fuss or try to change their minds. But this idea was better.

It had been Izaya's idea to chop off her hair. Taking the long hair and turning it into an obnoxiously short pixie cut, something that would mistake her for a boy. It was Kanra's idea to take the train to a different part of Ikebukuro, to a different hair salon than what she normally went to, to get her hair cut off. The place also functioned as a wig-making place, used to taking donations from girls like Kanra and using the hair to make wigs for cancer patients.

It was both their idea to convince the stylist to make Kanra a wig of her own hair, lying and saying it was for a sibling.

She waited patiently, tipping her head side to side to get used to the new, odd, feeling of her head being lighter, as the salon made her wig as a same-day service. It cost extra, but they were willing to pay the fee.

After all, they agreed, as Kanra stepped out of the salon, fixing the wig in place on her head as soon as they were around the block, their mother would have a fit over even just a few inches of hair being gone. Might as well soften the blow, and save the more difficult news for later.

* * *

Kanra couldn't exactly pinpoint the precise time she got bored of being a girl. Long hair, make-up, cute clothes were nice and all, but they weren't really exciting or interesting. Gymnastics was all right, if only because of the ever-present feeling of flying, but that would eventually, too, become boring.

Maybe it had started during elementary school, when one of the girls announced she had a new-born baby brother. Kanra hadn't really been interested in the conversation – her parents had recently had twins, and so Kanra had to put up with double the annoyance that her classmate had to. But when the classmate mentioned that her parents had given her brother the name that she was supposed to have if she had been a boy, and it got Kanra wondering.

So she asked her parents.

Disguising it easily, she brought it up over dinner one night as her parents tried to placate the fussy Mairu and Kururi. Class project, family tree, to this day Kanra can't remember the exact reason she gave her parents. All she remembers is that she liked the name.

 _Izaya._

He liked it too.

* * *

Their mother had a fit when Kanra came home, hair almost a foot shorter than it used to be. Izaya was the one to placate her, spinning a tale of gum getting stuck in it, and Kanra provided the waterworks that gave them a hug of sympathy, instead of a longer lecture. They received a kiss on the cheek as well, before their mother left to join their father in making dinner.

Kanra's haircut was the topic of dinner that night, and while she withered a bit under the teasing remarks, Izaya was the one controlling the conversation. Soon enough the conversation changed, and Izaya had to return the reins, as their parents asked about gymnastics, school, and Kanra dominated the conversation.

It would be one of the last times Kanra spoke with their parents, so they didn't mind.

After all, they were, in all intents and purposes, two halves of the same whole. The same mind, same body.

* * *

Perhaps, because of them being so close, switching back and forth so easily, neither caring who was in control as long as _they_ were in control was why their first meeting with the monster was so shocking.

Because it was the first time they didn't agree on something.

They laid eyes on the monster, and something changed.

For Izaya, it was hate at first sight.

For Kanra, it was love.

* * *

Kanra disappeared between elementary and middle school. At the same time, Izaya appeared, in time for the start of middle school.

Officially, according to documents that an elementary schooler should have no business falsifying, Orihara Kanra switched schools, having been enrolled in a private all-girls school. Meanwhile, Orihara Izaya transferred in to Raijin from a private all-boys school. Both were vague and obscenely private about records that even if someone wanted to investigate the documents, they would have trouble following the paper trail.

After all, one student disappeared into thin air, while the other just appeared out of nowhere.

* * *

It was thrilling, so exciting! Everyone now knew Orihara Kanra as Orihara Izaya, and no one could tell the difference!

Well, _almost_ everyone. Izaya's parents didn't know about their switch, and neither did the relatives who checked in on the twins and 'Kanra' to make sure everything was going smoothly in the Orihara household. Even the twins didn't know the switch – Kanra was the one who left home and returned home each evening, and Izaya rarely made an appearance around them. And when he did, the excuse was simple – a disowned cousin making a surprise visit, and could they please not tell anyone? Silence was bought from the twins through treats and other goodies.

Everything was going smoothly, and Izaya had a handle on school relations while Kanra dealt with what familial problems popped up. When Kishitani Shinra bothered them about forming a Biology Club with him, Izaya wanted nothing more than to ignore the boy, content with people watching and staying to the sidelines. Kanra was the one who reasoned that Shinra was an interesting case – besides, what was more ironic than pairing up a teen who held an insatiable love for humanity with one who held no love at all for it? Not only that, but it would be suspicious to family members if the popular Kanra from elementary school suddenly had no friends whatsoever to talk about or visit.

So reluctantly Izaya agreed to form a Biology Club with Kishitani Shinra.

There had been no hiccups in their switch. The Orihara family didn't suspect that Kanra wasn't the one attending Raijin – they had the loose uniform rules to thank for that – and no one at the school suspected Izaya of not being what he presented himself as. Everything was going perfectly.

And then, stupid, stupid, _stupid Nakura_ had to go and ruin everything by stabbing Shinra and stupid, stupid, _stupid Shinra_ had to go and ruin everything by getting himself stabbed instead of letting Izaya get stabbed like Nakura wanted. And of course, stupid, stupid, _stupid Izaya_ had to ruin everything by telling Shinra to let them take the fall so they could make Nakura regret it for the rest of his life.

And of course poor Kanra had to be the one to run interference on everything because boys were all _dumbasses._

* * *

Kanra was the one responsible for all the 'hiding' that they did. She was the one that made sure when relatives visited the wig was snugly on and didn't risk falling off, and she was the one, as they got older, who took care of any… _feminine_ problems that popped up. Kanra sweet-talked aunts and uncles into not staying the night, and made sure there were no surprise visits.

Kanra was the one who took a deep breath every morning, binding their chest with bandages because that was what the internet said for people in their position to do. Izaya was the one who took shallow breaths and regulated his breathing each day, because they had to be tied tight or something showed. Because they were only stupid teenagers and didn't know any better.

Kanra, though Izaya took credit, because he was a stupid credit hog, was the one who got the initial workings of their information network together. Izaya would always claim credit for making it their profession. Izaya would always claim credit for everything they did.

Always.

* * *

It was a testament to how lucky they were that their parents weren't in town when the whole circle of stupidity occurred. Having left the school after declaring that he would take the fall for Shinra's stabbing, Izaya went home. Once there, Kanra changed into a different outfit, fixed her hair, dropped the twins off for a play-date at a friend's place, and went to the police station to lie her ass off. Because that was all she seemed to be good for – damage control, for situations like this.

Thanks to Shinra, knowing the truth behind the stabbing, the Kishitani family didn't press charges against Izaya. Which was lucky for them, as it would have raised difficult questions that they would have had to figure out a way to answer. Kanra, having had to deal with Kishitani Shingen at the police station, was dragged by him to the hospital where Shinra was in order to apologize on Izaya's behalf. Even if Izaya had been the one there, he wouldn't have apologized because he wasn't the type to admit when he was wrong – especially when the case was that he hadn't. Kanra, on the other hand, knew when to hold cards, and when to fold them.

"I am very sorry for what my cousin did to you Kishitani-san," Kanra spoke, bowing her head to Shinra. She stared at her flats, and tried not to think of the weird way he looked at them when they had entered. "I hope you can forgive him, and our family." She lifted her head, and they examined his face. There was a confused look on it, like they had just presented him with a very puzzling riddle. It would be amusing to see how long it would take for him to find the solution.

"It's all right," Shinra finally answered, hesitant and still confused. He cocked his head to the side, staring at Kanra. "I wasn't aware Izaya had a relative close in age to him that lived nearby." Because Shinra was aware of the twins, from how often Izaya complained of them to him at school.

"I go to a private school," Kanra responded, turning away a bit, neither of them liking the scrutinizing gaze Shinra was fixing them with. There was a possibility… Before either teen could say another thing, the Sailor Moon theme song rang out from Kanra's purse. They pulled it out; the number was the home number for the family that they had dropped the twins off at.

"I need to take this," Kanra wasn't very sympathetic, not with the clinical gaze that Shinra was still fixing on them. "It was nice meeting you, Kishitani-san, though I wish it had occurred on better terms."

And without waiting for a reply, they left the room.

* * *

While Izaya hated the monster, he loved to provoke it. Kanra, while she should mind, found that she didn't, because she loved the expressions the beast made while chasing them. She, just as much as Izaya, loved the thrill of the chase, the adrenaline soaring through their body as they wondered if this would be the time that they were caught.

Sometimes, she wondered what would happen if she threw the chase, and willingly let the monster catch them. Izaya would be the one to remind her that it would mean a stop-sign or something equally heavy to the face. Simon, from Russia Sushi, would be the one to stop their games – their flirting, if Kanra was allowed to call it that – and drag them to share a meal.

This was their routine all through high school whenever they ran into each other.

* * *

They were sixteen when Izaya got more than just their feet wet with the whole 'informant' business they had been toying around with. He was the one who actively got them involved with the Awakusu-kai group, and started selling information, while Kanra helped obtain the information.

For obvious reasons, Izaya had to handle business. Most employers wouldn't believe a girl telling them anything, or would try to take advantage of her, but Kanra was fine with that. They dealt with shady humans, those who didn't care about others, and Kanra was like Izaya. Saw herself above them all, on that same pedestal. But while Izaya handled both selling and obtaining information, Kanra dealt exclusively with obtaining information, and stirring up the pot, so to speak. She was the one who would leak tidbits here and there, the one who would get unsuspecting victims to share with her information that they would never have shared otherwise.

As they got deeper in, as they got older, it got harder to keep their secret. Taunting the beast more, getting in more fights, they had to get more and more creative. Deciding Shinra to be their doctor, though with how his family was nuts so he'd probably never be a legal one, they had to make sure they didn't get hurt anywhere that would require a complete removal of their shirt, or their pants.

(Every time he asked for a full-body physical, they refused, and every time he asked, they all got a bit more suspicious of one another.)

Whenever Izaya had difficulty breathing, whenever they had difficulty breathing after a particularly exerting game of tag with the monster, they reminded themselves that this was the price they had to pay. The price of secrecy, the price of safety.

The price, they believed, of who they were.

* * *

"You look like you're having a hard time breathing," Even diagnosing, Shinra had a disgustingly cheerful look on his face. If anything, he looked _pleased_ at the fact that his patient appeared to have difficulty breathing. "Are you sure you didn't get hit in the chest or back by something? A broken or bruised rib would–"

Izaya swatted away wandering hands that came closer as if they wanted to get a closer look.

"I'm fine," He ground out irritably, taking shallow sips of air as they stood up. "Besides, like I'm slow enough to get caught by that protozoan." Sliding their coat back on, he checked the pockets to make sure Shinra hadn't confiscated any of their stuff again. It wouldn't be the first time. Many a switchblade had been lost to Shinra's surprise confiscations. "Now, if you're done, I'm heading home."

"Leaving already?" Izaya could predict what he was going to ask next. "You know, before you leave I could–"

"I don't need a full-body physical, thanks for offering!" They cut in quickly before Shinra could finish, hopping out the door before anything else could be said to them.

Exiting the building, they gave a quick greeting to the Black Rider who had just returned, and then went on their way back to Shinjuku, keeping an eye out for monsters in the night.

* * *

«Did you hear? Apparently Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya completely destroyed a café in the Sunshine District!»

«So scary~!»

【They always seem to go all out when they fight, don't they?】

«Mmhmm~!»

[Makes you wonder what would happen if they stopped fighting…]

【Well Ikebukuro would probably be a lot more peaceful.】

【And quiet too.】

«And boring!»

«What would there be to talk about if they stopped fighting?»

* * *

They were eighteen when Kanra met Akabayashi Mizuki for the first time.

Two years of working with the Awakusu-kai already under their belt, Izaya had had interactions with several of their members countless times already. He was their primary contact when it came to the group. But seeing as Kanra only dealt with information gathering and causing trouble, she hadn't had reason to meet any of the Awakusu-kai members before.

Even now, it was an accident that they met.

The Awakusu-kai were having trouble with a young up-and-coming gang that was trying to cut into their turf. So, they had come to Orihara in order to dig up information either to try and persuade the leader to back off, or to pin something on the group and get the police on the group's tail.

Lucky them, it seemed that some of the members had a weak spot for pretty girls who showed off a nice enough cut of skin for them to drool over. It didn't take much for them to figure out where the bar was that the members frequented, and it was no effort to get Kanra a fake ID to get her in. Modest heels, moderate amount of make-up, added to a low-cut shirt and a skirt that was just on the edge of daring, and they were set to go.

Izaya and Kanra both knew what to expect when they went in. But expecting wasn't the same as avoiding, and even though they were warned by some of their contacts about this particular gang's penchant for slipping GHB into girls' drinks, Kanra slipped up. She had watched the bartender make her drink, watched it come to her hands – and her hands only – and they still managed to dope her. Most likely, Izaya was able to reason, because they got them to turn their head away for just one moment.

Akabayashi was a gentleman. When they had been snooping around for information on the Awakusu-kai when they could get away with it, Orihara had found that much out. He was the type that, were he to stumble on a scene of a group of men trying to take advantage of a young lady, he would protect the young lady. Which made Kanra very, very lucky that he had been passing through the area that night.

Had he not been there, they may have become more damaged than they already were.

* * *

 _Kanra._ It was an ironic choice for Izaya's screenname in the Dollars chat forum, even more so when Kanra herself was the only one who used the damn thing. Very rarely did he use it, so it was up to her to keep everyone entertained. Still, she enjoyed being the admin of the room, and they – especially her, to be honest – enjoyed sharing the gossip and spreading rumors about the events in both Ikebukuro and Shinjuku.

« _Hey, did you hear? They say Heiwajima Shizuo was arrested yesterday~!_ »

« _Did you know?_ _Apparently there's someone going around kidnapping students for illegal experiments! Scary~!_ »

« _Have you heard about the abandoned house on the outskirts of Ikebukuro? I hear that it's haunted! Isn't that spo~oky?_ »

« _Wah, I heard that there a gang kidnapping girls in Shinjuku and selling them in an underground slave market! Won't someone come protect poor Kanra-chan?_ »

The chatroom was the only time she got to have fun, her time around people becoming shorter and shorter as Izaya became more prevalent. As they – as _he_ – became more and more well known as an Information Broker, they didn't need Kanra as often. Why risk themselves, risk her, risk _his secret_ , when they could just hire people to do the dirty work for him? And even if the information was sensitive enough that they had to do it themselves, it was _Izaya_ doing the work, and not Kanra. Until she was obsolete.

She resented that. They were a _team_ , one body, one mind, splitting the duties because it was more efficient, more _practical_. Their skill sets were separate, and they needed the other to complete the set.

Until, it appeared, that he had already taken hers, and was just using it to his advantage.

They had never been all that good at sharing anyways.

* * *

«Did you hear?»

【What?】

[Did something happen?]

«Maybe~»

«Or maybe not!»

【I get the feeling you're playing tricks again.】

[Kanra?]

«Sorry, I was afk»

«But! I heard that Orihara Izaya went missing~!»

[What?!]

【You're joking, right?】

«Nope~!»

«He hasn't been seen in Ikebukuro for weeks!»

[Well, that's not unusual normally…]

«"Normally" is the key word, Setton~!»

«But I heard he hasn't been seen around Shinjuku either!»

«It makes you wonder what might have happened to him…»

* * *

The goal of their chases with the monster was different for all those involved.

One wanted the adrenaline high, to see if the monster could catch them, to know if it would make good on its threat to kill them if it ever caught them.

One wanted the attention, its eyes only on them, wanted to know when the monster would catch them.

One just wanted a fucking flea to stop jumping around its damn city, and to stay the hell out of its sight.

* * *

Jumping around the city during a chase with the monster, they had scaled a relatively high building. Her gymnastics skills and flexibility added to their combined agility made the feat barely a chore, and it added a new spice to their chase. They were overly confident in their parkour abilities, though it may have been just one of them – it was always hard to tell during these chases. These chases were one of the few times they managed to meld into a similar mindset these days, and even though they wanted different outcomes, the purpose was always the same – to run away, and to make following as difficult as possible.

They were atop a five story building when they skidded to a stop. The next building was a distance away; manageable, but not from the dead stop that they had now put themselves at. Breathing heavily, they had a decision to make – face the beast, and talk their way out, slipping away the way they came when it was distracted, or try and get enough momentum to make the leap?

" _IZAYA-KUN!_ " The beast roared from behind them, and she pursed her lips. Always shouting _his_ name, paying attention to him – she wasn't jealous, she knew it was to be expected.

She wanted to stay, to see what would happen when the beast was finally presented with this opportunity. But he – he wanted to continue running. To take the chance, even though it was stupid and dangerous. She didn't get a chance to object before he was recharging their momentum for the jump.

She never got a say anymore, these days. He always did what he wanted, especially high on adrenaline like this. He always put their lives at risk, never listening to her.

And she thought it served him – them – right when they fell short, crashing toward the ground like Icarus, falling from his wings.

* * *

She wasn't quite sure what caused her to make the decision. What the final straw was. Was it the fall? Was it how he handed 'Kanra's' admin powers over to 'Chrome'? How he got all the attention and nobody knew she existed? Or, maybe, was it how she finally got sick and tired of being thrown into the background of their life?

* * *

"You're really lucky Izaya!" Always that cheerful voice, always that _disgusting_ name _._ "I mean, wow! I was expecting at least a broken neck from that sort of fall, if not a few more broken bones."

"I know, I know," Izaya rolled his eyes, waving their good hand at his friend. "Am I free to go now, or are you going to try and insist on a full body physical again?" Shinra gave a sheepish nervous laugh, a sure sign that they had hit the nail right on the head.

"Sure, you can go," He sighed though, shrugging his shoulders as if they were the most difficult patient in the world. "Though I'd wish you'd let me check your ribs too – don't think I haven't noticed how shallow your breathing is."

"I'm fine," They dismissed him, struggling into their coat. After that, it took them a few minutes to figure out how to work the crutches, before settling on only using one.

They reluctantly accepted Shinra's help opening the door, before making their way to the elevator leading to the lower part of the building.

Hobbling to a taxi to take them back to Shinjuku, Kanra and Izaya catalogued the injuries from the fall. A shattered ankle, a fractured arm and elbow, and – taking gentle sips of breath in – definitely some bruised, if not broken, ribs. The taxi driver that picked them up generously helped them into the back of the car, and out of it when they reached their destination.

It's at this time that she made their decision. A holiday for their health, that was the reason presented. To help get over their injuries. After all, there wouldn't be much that they – he – could do, injured as they were.

He – thankfully – never suspected that only one of them would be returning from the holiday.

After all, _pride goeth before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall._

This was the only logical solution.

* * *

Whenever Simon caught the monster and them causing a ruckus around Ikebukuro, he would always catch all of them and force them to sit down to a meal together. They would always have to pay, because the monster never had any money. These meals were the rare times that they and the monster were ever in the same area without (much) property destruction.

He always hated being forced to sit down to a meal with the monster, on the principle that he hated the monster, so of course he would hate eating with it. She always loved these times when they were forced to eat together. It was the only time in which she could pretend things were normal, act like things were different.

* * *

Akabayashi Mizuki is a gentleman; they discovered this when they did their initial investigating of the Awakusu-kai members. There was a young girl he helped look over, and considered himself almost like a parental figure towards her, supporting her financially after the death of her family. He didn't condone drug use, and was likely to step into a situation that didn't involve him if he thought something seemed off, especially when it included a damsel in distress.

That, more than likely, had been Kanra's saving grace that night.

"Let me go!" Her words slurred over as she did her best to try and pull them away from the gang members who wouldn't stop putting their hands on them. "I said stop!" But they didn't stop, and Izaya was there, whispering, saying that maybe they should just let it happen. After all, they still needed the information, and this – this would as good as blackmail for the Awakusu-kai. Who cared if they became a bit damaged? They had always been damaged goods.

(She cared, she cared, she didn't know what Izaya was thinking, but this wasn't right, she didn't want to go this route for a bit of information, she _didn't like this at all, she wanted it to stop –!_ )

"Aw, c'mon doll face," The one asshole's hand was creeping up her arm, a slimy feeling shuddering across her body. "We promise we'll make you feel _real_ good."

"Don't touch me!" Kanra howled, tearing herself free, but only managed two stumbling steps towards the exit of the alley they had dragged her down before she was collapsing in a frenzy of limbs that didn't work the way they were supposed to.

"Don't be like that babe," And those slimy hands were on them, on _her_ , again, dragging her up, up, up, and a wandering one came down, sliding disgustingly to rest on her exposed thigh. "It's no fun when you play hard to get like that."

"Now," A new voice entered the ring of their revolting jeers and her desperate pleads, "Something tells me the lady isn't playing hard to get."

Her attackers didn't recognize the voice, but he did – Akabayashi Mizuki, appearing at the mouth of the alley. Clicks that echoed down the alley as he approached were the sounds of his cane, hitting the cement. The hands grasping them loosened, but they were still present enough that Kanra couldn't break free.

"'Ey, this doesn't involve you!" One of the gang members snarled.

"Yeah, just move along old man," Another goaded. "The lady 'ere loves it. We're just playing around."

"Is that so?" Akabayashi asked, his one-eyed gaze focused on them, and not the gang members. He never stopped his approach.

"Yeah, so just move along," The gang members snickered, and the one who spoke yelped when a cane slammed against his chest.

"I believe I was talking to the lady," The tone was icy, and they swore that the temperature in the alley dropped a few degrees. "So, you should let the lady answer."

Izaya was trying to answer, Kanra knew he was, but she knew what he wanted to answer, and knew that she didn't want that answer. Lucky, _lucky_ , that's what she was, lucky that the GHB made it difficult for Izaya to take the reins from her. Her answer was slow, slow and desperate, but the answer was _hers_. Hers, to save them. Izaya may not have minded damaged goods, but she did, _she_ minded, and there was no way she was letting Izaya answer this how he wanted.

"No," She managed to force out, tripping over her tongue as she tried to think through the drug haze that was trying to knock her down. "They're trying to –" But she couldn't finish it, because the drugs sent her stumbling, only kept up by those grimy hands on her. Dizziness swarmed her, made their vision spin and spin and spin until it seemed that the disgusting grimy hands on her weren't there anymore and it was just her, falling, falling, falling.

Her words, unfinished as they had been, had been enough for Akabayashi to make his own conclusion about the situation. When they started to collapse from dizziness, from the drugs, and the lack of support, a new pair of hands came to steady them. But her skin was crawling, crawling as if she were covered in millions of insects, and she couldn't take any more hands on them.

"Don't touch me," Weakly she pulled them away, stumbling again, nauseous and wanting to throw up. Wanting to get this feeling of bugs all over her to go away, to go home and curl and up and to pretend that this night had never happened.

"I'm only trying to help," It was Akabayashi, and though she slurred for him not to touch them, his arm came to settle on her shoulder when they almost fell again. "Let me at least get you a cab home – you're in no state to be going anywhere by yourself."

"I'll be fine," They ground out, and Kanra wasn't sure which of them who said it, who wanted it said – her or Izaya. But even as they tried to pull away, they couldn't keep their balance, couldn't fight the drugs that ran through them, any longer.

Darkness claimed them as they collapsed, and though they weren't certain, part of them thought they heard a faint, "Informant-san?" before they were swallowed up completely.

* * *

Originally, he had come about because she had been bored.

She tried to tell herself that that was the same reason why she was getting rid of him. Because she was bored.

But that wasn't true.

It was because she was _scared of him._

* * *

Three months is a long time. Long enough for her to grow her hair back out to a comfortable length of hanging at her shoulders. Long enough for her bruises to fade away, and to be able to get rid of the casts and crutches. It's long enough for a layer of dust to collect around her apartment in Shinjuku.

Her first full day back in Shinjuku is cleaning and reorganizing the apartment. She dusts everything, sticks the dishes that have sat unused in the cabinets in the dishwasher. Namie obviously stopped coming around at some point, and she debates on whether or not to have her come around. She puts that decision off when she sees the head still sitting on the bookshelf. The head's presence is sign enough that Namie's expecting their return, and she shakes her head to remind herself that it's not _them._ Not anymore.

By the time the cleaning is done, it's mid-afternoon and she's skipped both breakfast and lunch. She hasn't had time to go shopping, and it doesn't take much to convince herself to make the trip to Ikebukuro to visit Russia Sushi. Before leaving she adjusts her skirt, slipping on her coat with the fur trim. Even though it was _his_ trademark, it was gifted to _her,_ and she loves the jacket, regardless of the memories attached to it. A purse is slung haphazardly over the jacket, coming to settle by her hip. She's missed wearing heels, so she puts on a low pair before skipping out the door.

Skipping is different in heels. There's the odd clicking of the ends hitting the ground before leaving again. It's not a bad different, and it's one that she actually enjoys. She wishes they – _she_ – had skipped more in heels before, because there's an odd feeling of exhilaration to it. Humming as she heads for the train station, she's not unaware of the heads turning to look at her.

The whispers she acknowledges as she's stepping off the train in Ikebukuro. Really, it's not so much of acknowledging as it is that it's becoming more difficult to ignore them. Still, she keeps her smile on her face, and hums the theme song to Hanamaru Kindergarten as she continues skipping down the sidewalk towards Russia Sushi. Forcing herself to think about the ootoro that she'll be getting instead of the whispers around her, she completely fails to notice the people sneaking up on her until it's too late.

"Hey, isn't that Iza-Iza?" A bright feminine voice causes her to stop her humming, and her russet eyes land on Dotachin and his group as she reluctantly clicks to a stop. Karisawa Erika is the one to have pointed her out to the group, and she doesn't have time to cross the street to avoid the confrontation.

"Yo, Izaya," Dotachin addresses her. "Where've you been these past three months?" She sighs, and doesn't answer.

"Why are you dressed up like that?" Erika asks, before her and Walker just jump into a discussion of their own about possible reasons. Typical. Rolling her eyes, she goes to walk by through them and ignore them when Dotachin catches her arm.

"What are you planning, Izaya?" Pursing her lips, she tries her best not to puff out her cheeks childishly in anger. Of course, even when he's not here, he's the one getting the attention.

She rips her arm out of Dotachin's grip and is about to yell at him when she takes one step too far from the shelter of the group, and a vending machine comes soaring through the air.

"I've finally found you, you shitty flea!" Is the accompanying roar that trails behind it, and both Dotachin and her are ducking to avoid getting hit. Everyone's looking at her like they expect her to flee, but she stands her ground. Really, she should be running, but _he_ was always the one to make that choice, and she's making this one.

"I thought something stunk around here," The monster of Ikebukuro is grumbling as he drops a cigarette to the ground, crushing it under his foot as he stomps over towards them.

"Wow," Erika stage-whispers to Walker, "Iza-Iza isn't running from Shizu-Shizu!" The following conversation seems _so_ riveting that she tunes it out completely.

"Finally accepted the idea of your death, flea?" He's cracking the knuckles of his fists, glaring at her as a vein pulses in his forehead. Before she can stop herself she says,

"My, my, didn't your mother ever teach you not to threaten a lady?"

The retort startles everyone, including herself. It doesn't take long before the monster's laughing, as if she had told a joke. She momentarily wonders why she said that, before realizing that that's right – she's not hiding any longer. Hiding had always been what _he_ wanted, not her.

"Calling yourself a woman now, flea?" He growls after the laughter is done. "You may be dressed as one, but that doesn't make you one."

She scoffs, and places her hands on her hips. Really, she should stop while she's behind, but she doesn't care at the moment.

"Like you'd know what a woman looks like even with one standing in front of you!" She retorts condescendingly. And okay, maybe her cheeks are puffing out just a little, but that's not important.

"Izaya –" Dotachin starts, placing a hand on her shoulder and she slaps his hand away.

"Stop calling me that!" She snaps angrily. There's the hot flush of red on her face, and she's not sure if it's from anger or embarrassment. "That's _not_ my name!"

Distracted by her own outburst, she misses whatever exchange Dotachin and the monster have; the next thing she knows, she's being tossed over the monster's shoulder like a sack of potatoes. For all she knows, that's all she weighs to him. A sack of potatoes.

"Hey!" She still squeals in protest, banging her fists on his back, kicking his stomach. It's useless anyways, her hits probably barely register as a blip to the monster. Barely worthy of comparison to bug bites. "Put me down, you brute!"

"Yeah right," There's the sound of a click, and then the smell of cigarette smoke fills the air. She wrinkles her nose – of course he would have to light a cigarette while carrying her.

"Dotachin, tell him to put me down!" She demands huffily, blowing her bangs out of her face, crossing her arms across her small chest when she gives up beating on the brute's back. He's following them, though the rest of his group stayed behind. Dotachin is staring at her with a weird expression, reminiscent of Kishitani-san's all those years ago. Like she's some sort of enigma, a riddle with a difficult answer.

"Nah," He says finally, staying out of her reach when she takes a swing at him, scowling. "I don't know what, but something's wrong with you, Izaya."

"I told you to stop calling me that!" It's not like her to lose control of her emotions like this. Or, maybe, it was, and she's just had a cap on it all these years, because _he_ didn't want emotions to be read on their – on her – face. "And there's nothing wrong with me! Just two _brutes_ kidnapping me against my will!"

Dotachin doesn't respond and, no matter how much she antagonizes, neither of them rise to her bait.

Unsurprisingly, their destination is Kishitani-san's apartment. She recognizes the floor of the building, the only thing she can really stare at aside from Dotachin and the cityscape in the opposite direction they're headed, and his voice when he answers the door.

"Hello-ah, Shizuo. Kadota." It's obvious he was expecting someone else at the door. "Don't tell me you've kidnapped a girl."

"Hah, hardly." The monster scoffs, inviting himself into the apartment. She's dropped unceremoniously on the couch as he continues, "This is the flea. He's messed up in the head or something – keeps insisting he's a girl and some shit."

"Well, I'm pretty sure we all knew he was messed up in the head to begin with," Kishitani shrugs his shoulders. "But insisting he's a woman is a new level of weird, even for Izaya."

"I keep telling you," She crosses her arms, chewing on her cheek to stop herself from pouting. "Not to call me that. I'm not Izaya."

Huffing, she kicks the underside of Kishitani's coffee table, all three men staring at her as she introduces herself properly.

"My name is Orihara Kanra," She fixes an irate glare at them as she slumps against the couch. "I would say it is a pleasure to meet you, but I think your kidnapping of me cancels out any pleasantries of the situation."

Kanra flicks over their reactions. Dotachin seems mildly puzzled still, while the monster grumbles,

"What the hell do you mean the shitty flea has _another_ relative in Ikebukuro?"

Kishitani-san, on the other hand, has a maniacally gleeful grin on his face, as if Courier-san has finally agreed to marry him.

"I knew it!" He declares, much to the confusion of everyone. Kanra tries her best not to show it.

"Yes," She nods, making an assumption on what he's talking about. "We met in high-school Kishitani-san, that's probably where you remember me from."

"Nice try," Kishitani-san laughs, and Kanra frowns, not sure what Kishitani-san is getting at.

"What's going on?" Dotachin and the monster are both thoroughly confused. "Is this the flea or not?"

"Of course it's Orihara-kun," Shinra shrugs simplistically, causing Kanra to scowl furiously, and Kadota and Shizuo to share confused looks. There's a knowing, mischievous, grin on his face however as he continues,

"Or, should we have been calling you Orihara-chan?"

* * *

The only one who they had ever known was aware and knew _for certain_ their secret had been Akabayashi Mizuki. And the only reason Akabayashi had known was because he had had a hand in rescuing them that fateful night when she had been eighteen.

The morning after that fateful night, they had woken up in an unfamiliar bed, staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, wearing somebody else's clothes. A pair of overly large sweats, and a similarly large t-shirt was what they had been clothed in. Turning their head to the side, they could spy their wig sitting on the end table, by the lamp sitting on the table. Wracking their brain, they could only come up with one logical place where they could have wound up.

Sitting slowly up in the bed, there were no pains they could feel that would signal that anything had transpired. Yes, their knees ached, but they were twinging pains that told the story of falling and scraping them, not because of… _other_ acts. Aside from their knees, nothing else really ached, aside from her head, giving them the impression that that part of her was still safe, for the time being.

"So you're finally up," Akabayashi's voice broke the silence, jerking her head up to face the Awakusu-kai member standing in the doorway of the bedroom. So they had been right – Akabayashi had taken them to presumably his home. Tilting their head to the side, they wondered how they could control the situation.

"Ah, yes," Kanra answered hesitantly, neither her nor Izaya knowing who would be best to interact with the situation. She fiddled with the hem of the shirt uncertainly, and inclined their head politely. "Thank you for saving me last night."

"I only did what was right," Akabayashi waved his hand dismissively, fixing them with an odd look. "But then again, it was surprising discovering it was you I rescued, Informant-san."

So Akabayashi did know their identity. Then again, they had figured he realized it as soon as the wig came off. It would take a complete idiot not to realize it when presented with such evidence, and they knew better than to paint any of the Awakusu-kai as idiots.

"Even more so," Akabayashi continued as Izaya tried to think of a way to spin this, while Kanra bit down sharply on their lip in a grimace. "To see you crossdressing. Ah, but you weren't crossdressing, were you?" Then Kanra's grimace turned into Izaya's scowl, all Izaya, even though they _knew_ he knew. Still, Akabayashi saying it didn't make the confirmation any easier on them.

"Gotta admit, it was quite a shock to find out Informant-san," Akabayashi continued after a moment when they didn't say anything. "You know, we figured you were hiding something, but we didn't guess that it would be your gender."

"I'm not hiding anything," They said with only the slightest hint of a huff in their voice thanks to Kanra. "Least of all my gender. I consider it more of 'not-disclosing'."

"Really now," Akabayashi didn't sound amused in the slightest, and Izaya affixed a narrowed gaze at the Awakusu-kai member.

"Of course," Izaya's tone in their voice was light, accompanying it with a dismissive wave of their hand. "After all, I hold no care for what gender my clients deign to refer to me as – it's all the same to me. If because I have short hair and wear predominately male clothing my clients wish to refer to me as a male, then I don't mind using male speech."

"Ah," Izaya added as an afterthought, because Kanra remembered and prodded him to bring it up, "But Akabayashi-san, my personal information is private, ne? And like all my information, it comes at a cost." They shrugged though, toes tapping against the wood floor of the room.

"At least, that's what I'd like to say," They sighed shrugging in a 'what can you do' manner. "But it seems like I owe Akabayashi-san debt for saving me, don't I? So I guess all I can ask is that you don't share this particular tidbit of information with anyone."

"I'm making no promises kid," Akabayashi answered gruffly, and they smiled serenely back.

* * *

"How long have you known?" Kanra asks, voice not shaking despite the surprise she feels. Because there is no doubt – Shinra _knows_ , he's figured it out at some point over the years, and she needs to know when and how.

"Oh, I've always suspected," The underground doctor shrugs, while Kadota and Shizuo look between the two in confusion. "Especially since the middle school incident." Ah, the circle of stupidity – she knew that that would always come back to haunt her. She can remember still the strange look Shinra had given her in the hospital that day, the one that clearly stated that he thought there was something amiss.

"But," He continues, "As for how long I've known, my suspicions were confirmed when Shizuo and Kadota brought you here just now. Though, those rumors spreading online about the 'disappearance of Orihara Izaya' these past three months have really helped confirm it as well."

"Wait, you're saying this chick is the flea?" Shizuo cuts in at last, jabbing a finger in her direction.

"Not only am I saying that she's the flea," Shinra nods happily, "But –"

"I've always _been_ the flea," Kanra interrupts testily, staring up at the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro. "As in, I've always _been_ a girl." And Shinra's standing there, nodding in agreement when Kadota and Shizuo turn to him for confirmation.

"But we went to school with Orihara _Izaya_ ," Kadota scratches his head as if he's confused. "Not Orihara _Kanra_ , and Izaya's a guy, and you're, well, not."

"Oh really?" Kanra hums, tapping her index finger against her chin. "Tell me, did _Izaya_ ever show up to your gym classes in high school? Did you ever change with him? Did you ever see _proof_ that he was, in fact, a male in anything other than name?"

A grin worth of the Cheshire Cat graces Kanra's lips when the men all look at one another, unable to come up with anything.

"Of course you didn't," She answers her own question. "'Izaya' never showed up to gym classes because it would be too easy to reveal that he was me. You never changed with him because if he did, our secret would have been revealed immediately."

"'Our secret'?" No one misses the slip up.

"Hey, as I think about it," Shinra muses himself, "You always refer to Izaya as a separate person – why is that Orihara-chan?"

"I don't have to answer that," Kanra outright avoids the question, standing up from the couch. "In fact, I think I've graced you all with my presence long enough – much more than you deserve anyways."

"What, so you're just running away?" Shizuo snarls as Kanra brushes past them, dismissing herself and the conversation.

"It's not running away," Kanra shakes her head, giving a cold look over her shoulder to the three, "After all, I don't have to answer anything, especially considering you so rudely kidnapped me." She waves a hand, yawning as she opens the front door to Shinra's apartment.

"Though, if you really do want answers, you can always swing by my apartment in Shinjuku and make an appointment." Trying to remember what day of the week it is, Kanra wonders whether or not it's half-price night at Russia Sushi. "Rates are double for my personal information, of course, but I suppose I could make an exception for you boys depending on what you ask."

* * *

Two weeks. It's been two weeks since Kanra made her appearance in Ikebukuro declaring that Izaya never existed. Two weeks, and Shizuo still doesn't know how to react. His long-time archenemy having been revealed not only as a not having really existed, but the person they really were being a female the entire time as well.

Thankfully, Kanra doesn't show up in Ikebukuro over the course of these two weeks, giving them – not just Shizuo, but Kadota and Shinra as well – a chance to try and process everything that they were told. As far as Shizuo knows, neither Kadota nor Shinra has been to Shinjuku to visit Kanra and take her up on her offer, and he hasn't visited either. Truthfully, part of Shizuo has been hoping that this all is just another one of the flea's fucked up games and that any day he'll be showing up in Ikebukuro to cause trouble and reveal his most recent mindfuck.

What Shizuo gets instead is an entire ice cream cone dropped carelessly onto his head.

"What the fuck?" Shizuo curses, tearing his attention away from his conversation with Tom and Vorona to look upwards.

"Ah, whoops, silly me," Are the words that accompany a tinkling laugh from above. A pink tongue pops out of the owner's mouth, swiping across a leftover of ice cream on their lips. "Seems like I dropped my ice cream cone."

It's the fucking _flea._ Sitting on the railing of the second floor of the apartment building that the trio had been passing by, idly kicking her legs, and looking not sorry in the least. Wearing a skirt, heels, and still with the long girly hair, it all tells Shizuo that that they weren't imagining the scene two weeks ago, and if this is an Izaya mindfuck that's being pulled, Izaya's very committed to it.

"What the hell are you doing, you shitty flea?" Shizuo snarls, going to pull the ice cream cone off his head and instead managing to break the waffle cone in his hands.

"What does it look like?" Kanra shrugs simplistically, before throwing her arms out wide as she answers her own question. "I'm visiting my favorite monster in the whole-wide world, obviously! You don't know how lonely I was in Shinjuku, waiting for a visit that never happened. Shizu-chan is so cruel, leading a lady on like that."

"Well, just fuck off and get the hell out of Ikebukuro flea," Shizuo is proud, really, of how he's handling himself. He doesn't like hitting girls, and he's still at a total loss at how to react with Kanra now. Sure, Shizuo hates the shitty flea, and had no problem trying to kill the flea before, but he feels like the entire game has changed now that he knows that the flea is a girl, and not a male like he always thought.

"What?" She pouts, "No vending machines thrown at me? No death threats? Wah, how much has changed! Who knew Ikebukuro's monster would be reluctant to hit a lady!" Kanra's cackling now, kicking her legs between the railing she's sitting on.

"Ah, but it's so bo~oring if Shizu-chan's not chasing me. I mean, I knew things would change when I returned, but for things to be like this? I always loved our chases, didn't you?" Kanra seems to be talking more to herself, completely ignoring the three of them on the ground. Still, something possesses Shizuo to answer the Orihara.

"Pretty sure you were the only one who liked those chases," He grumbles, itching for a cigarette. "I hate violence."

Kanra continues talking though, as if Shizuo had never said anything.

"Ah, what to do, what to do," She hums, tapping her chin, before going, "Aha~!" Kanra's grinning, and it feels like before Shizuo can even blink, Kanra's leapt to the ground and is resting on the ground in front of them. "Ne, you know Shizu-chan, I've always wanted to do this since I met you!"

That's the only warning any of them – most importantly, _Shizuo_ – gets before Kanra is leaning up on the balls of her feet, aided partly by the heels she's wearing, pressing her lips to Shizuo's in a kiss. The kiss itself is no more than a second or two long, very chaste, but it appears to be enough to short-circuit Shizuo's brain. When Kanra pulls back, she licks her lips, giggling like a loon.

"Well, I hate to kiss and run, but I do have business in Ikebukuro today," She half-turns to the road ahead of them. "I'll see you around, Shizu-chan! Ta-ta~!" And Kanra is off, gaining a decent head start in the form of a corrupted mix of skipping and running.

It takes Shizuo's brain thirty seconds to fully kick back online, and as soon as it has he's ripping up the nearby street sign, and he's roaring at the top of his lungs.

Throughout Ikebukuro, city-goers witness the typical scene of Shizuo chasing someone through the city. Most assume it to be Orihara Izaya, infamous info-broker of Shinjuku, from the fur trimmed coat that they see flying by, and the mad cackling accompanying the owner. Though, some aren't sure, due to the skirt that whips by as the person in flight passes, and the roar escaping from the one in pursuit –

" _KANRA-CHAN!"_

It's the newest topic of all the internet forums that evening, including the Dollars, and many contributors talk about the blush seen on the Fortissimo of Ikebukuro's face. They speculate what might have occurred. A date gone wrong, perhaps? Maybe the infamous Shinjuku info-broker liked cross-dressing! The rumors exploding are varied and many, bordering from close to the truth to downright unbelievable.

All that evening, however, the only thing the person in question can think about is the taste of vanilla ice cream and strawberry lip-gloss on his lips.

* * *

 _And that's the end~! It was always the intent for it to be a sort of one-sided Kanra/Shizuo, but this is not intended as a straight-washing of Shizaya. Kanra and Izaya are meant to be two completely different people/personalities - it's stated in one of the scenes at the beginning that Kanra always liked Shizuo, while Izaya hated him._

 _As always, please read and review~!_


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